


"But we're still best friends"

by hannahyoung1988



Category: The Mindy Project, The Office (US) RPF
Genre: Angst and Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-16
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-17 15:18:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2314178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahyoung1988/pseuds/hannahyoung1988
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i've never written a fanfiction before but I have been a big fan of the mindy/bj relationship for the past few months and I just found the howard stern interview very bittersweet...</p>
<p>also inspired by the film "celeste and jesse forever" which is a beautiful but heartbreaking film. </p>
<p>PLEASE GIVE COMMENTS/EDITING TIPS AS I AM NEWBIE.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Stern: Have you had great love in your life, where it just hurts that it didn't work out?  
Kaling: Yeah, yeah.

 

Stern: I believe if he called you tomorrow and said, 'I made a terrible mistake; we must get back together and get married,' you would do it.  
Kaling: I... I don't know. I don't know.  
Stern: It's not a 'no.' That's it.  
Kaling: Alright.

..............

Mindy let out a deep sigh as she waited for her car to pick her up from the studio, studiously ignoring the flashing texts/emails she was getting which all likely to be linked to her accidental oversharing...

She hadn't meant to.. but when it comes to the topic of them... it's like she can't hold back... 

"Way to go Mindy, now the whole world is going think you a pathetic heartbroken loser just waiting for BJ to whisk you away" she thought sadly to herself.

The thing is they are ALWAYS referencing each other to the press about their best friendship so why does this make her feel so defeated? 

Her phone is still going berserk, she picks it up quickly scrolling through the various text messages without looking at the content.. then sees the inevitable one from BJ:

"Babe I feel pretty broken after that interview, we need to talk..."

She shoved the phone back in her bag. Normally she would call him right away, falling back into their routine of teasing and flirting each other. But today she couldn’t do, she just wanted to get back to her apartment and try and repress all the emotions that were swirling round her. 

Her mind flashes back to that awful moment all those years ago; they are both sat in her dingy apartment, him grasping her hand as he draws an end to what was the single most happiest period of her life. He looks at her with those engulfing eyes now glassy with tears. “Min, I love you and I always will but I just can’t do this anymore”. She desperately tries to hold it together, glancing up and him with a watery smile; “Probably for the best huh? Now I can focus on trying to marry a NBA player?”. He attempts a smile, but ends up placing one of his hands on her face cradling her gently; “But you are still my best friend right?” he searches her eyes desperate for some sort of acceptance of this.

It takes all her willpower not to breakdown into racking sobs. “Yeah of course Beej…. The best”.

She jerks back to reality as the car pulls round the lot, the driver opening the door for her. She slides in and decides to turn her phone off, trying to ignore the uncomfortable thoughts flashing through her head the most prominent one being “maybe I can’t just be his best friend anymore.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hi this was something that came to me last night. as I said it will be a multi-chapter... any suggestions are welcome!!!

“Alright guys I've gotta head home and attempt some sleep before the read through tomorrow” Mindy yelled to the amusement of her writing staff, she walked quickly to her car before something or someone persuaded her to stay.

The show was back on air and thankfully it was proving to be an even bigger hit than the last two seasons. The other plus side was that she was averaging about 18 hour days leaving her no time to socialise let alone properly deal with the fact she hadn’t spoken to BJ in almost two weeks.

It was the longest they had ever gone without speaking, even after the breakup she still saw him every day at work in the writers room where she mastered a false cheerful persona with him until eventually it begun to feel almost normal. After she had sent him the tweet trying to make light of the situation to him, to everyone else, she had refused to take any of his texts or calls since. Luckily he was on another leg of his book tour keeping him out of LA, but he was due to return home next week and she was already bracing herself for a potential showdown at her house.

She couldn’t quite comprehend that they were even in this situation, she knew she was hurting him by not speaking to him infact she couldn’t even bring herself to look at his messages just deleting them as soon as they came through. She had always been so weak when it came to his feelings, wanting to make him happy and make him laugh… it had been the way for almost 11 years now. However, this time she just felt so completely numb from it all, scared of talked to him because that would mean addressing the feelings she thought had left her years ago seemed to be back with a bang. All because someone she barely knew forced her to confront how much she still wanted to end up with him, her great love…. 

After the interview she had gone back to the apartment she was sharing in New York with her writing staff, luckily she had the place to herself and she spent a good few hours not looking at an emails/news alerts/texts working on some script adjustments for the upcoming episode. She felt strangely calm….convincing herself she was fine and this was just one of her classic overshares. Everyone filtered back to the apartment later on after a long day chatting excitedly to her about the filming of the day and carefully avoiding her not quite there smile. 

Just as she was getting ready to do her night-time rituals, she heard a quite knock on her bedroom door “min? can I come in?” hearing Jeremy’s voice on the other end of the door. She sighed, knowing that he would be the only one to have the balls to deal with this; “Yeah sure although be warned I am in my spanx” 

“Nothing I haven’t seen before” he chucked pushing the door open. “So..” he said awkwardly walking over to come and sit with her on the bed, “I think we need to talk about your latest love declaration” .

This is why Mindy loved Jeremy, he wouldn’t treat her with pity but call her out on her behaviour no matter how sensitive it could be. 

“Yeah I was sort of hoping I could play the boss card and we could move on” she said quietly.

“Look Min, I know you are probably kicking yourself for being so open but that is why everyone loves you, you were just being honest about what has always been the most significant relationship in your life aside from your parents. And I personally think you should be 100% proud of the way you handled it” Jeremy slid his arm around her shoulders and she was grateful for the comfort.

“Look I just want to say one thing and that will be the end of it. I’ve known you two for so many years, BJ more so and you guys are best friends that is the hard part. I’ve never really voiced my opinion on you two because quite frankly you both are more than capable of expressing your opinion. But what I will say is I’ve seen BJ around other women for years, and you are it for him…maybe he doesn’t realise it but when he looks at you it is like his whole world has fallen into place” Mindy could feel the tears welling up her eyes as she nestled her head into Jeremy’s embrace.

“I don’t know this is too much to process right now, I’ve got so much on my plate with the show I just cannot begin to deal with this…and I really want to give these two guys I am dating a chance. You know the ones that actually show a romantic interest in me?” Mindy realised she sounded pathetic but she just didn’t have the energy to force on a cheery mood right now.

“Ok Min, as I said I will leave it… but do me a favour and talk to him ok? I know he is going to be breaking up inside about this…. Well apart from the fact everyone knows he is great in bed.” Jeremy raised an eyebrow, gave her one last squeeze and got up from the bed.

She hadn’t taken Jeremy’s advice, this was different to one of their disagreements or flirting gone too far. She felt vulnerable, like something had shifted and she couldn’t handle that not now or whoever knows when. She turned into her drive and let herself into her house heading straight for her bedroom where she passed out on the mattress without bothering to take her clothes off. She needed at least 6 hours sleep before she was back in the studio and she was not prepared to waste a minute of them, as she drifted off she tried desperately not to think of the swirling images of her and BJ.

A couple hours later she was aware she had woken up but could not work out the cause of it. Groggily she sat up and was aware that she could hear a faint knocking on her door, she rubbed her eyes and thought furiously about who would have the balls to wake her up when they knew how little sleep she was running on. The knocking became more persistent, with a heavy sigh she made her way downstairs and swung open the door whilst trying to make herself more alert.

In the doorway stood BJ in a rumpled tee shirt and jeans, his eyes piercing through her like they always had. She could always read him so well, but this time his eyes were guarded searching her face desperately as though he was trying to find an answer from her. “ermm hi beejj I thought you were in New York?” she was desperately trying to look anywhere but his face, knowing that too much eye contact would ruin her.

“Yeah well I got an early flight back” he said in a clipped voice. Before she had a chance to say anything else he stepped into her house trying to fixate her with his gaze, “We need to talk Min”….


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is really pouring out of me guys... as I keep saying a multi-chapter but need to think where to go from here. this was very emotional to write..
> 
> any opinions on BJ's perspective would be helpful as I feel I have Mindy down but not him...

Stern: If he asked you to marry him you would have.  
Kaling: At the time? Yeah.  
Stern: Wow.

 

............................................................

 

“Do we have to do this now Beej? It is 2am” she wanted to let on how tired she was, knowing he would put his concern for her above this but some part of her stopped not wanting to fall back into a rhythm.

“Well to be honest Min you haven’t left me much choice, you can’t just say those things then ignore me for days on end do you know how difficult it has been for me? I’ve barely slept and I just need to..” He stops himself, running his hands through his hair and she looks at him properly and can see how tired…and well broken he looks. 

“Well it hasn’t exactly been easy for me either Ben, knowing that all the press are portraying me as some sad wannabe spinster who is still pining after her lost love” She realises that the volume of her voice is louder than she intended, but dammit he has no idea how hard it has been for her either.

“Look I can see this escalating already, and I just want to have a proper talk with you about this ..lets not fall back onto one of our drag out fights Min? This is fucking serious stuff ok?” He walks slowly over to her sofa gesturing for her to come and join him.

This is definitely a first for BJ thinks Mindy, such a large part of their relationship is their tendency to scream their emotions out at each other. She hovers near him feeling awkward and a strong desire to start crying is pulsating through her. He pulls her down next to him, keeping hold of her hand and stroking it light, relishing the touch of her.

“Look Min, I know how things can be perceived in the press…trust me it has blown up in my face before. But listening to you talk about how miserable I made you, how sad you were when we broke up, I knew that was you being open in a way that we’ve never discussed it just tore me up inside. All I wanted to do was talk to you and comfort you, then you just decided to go silent on me? I know you needed space..but I just don’t function right without you Min, and to the think the reason we weren’t talking was because of… just please don’t do that to me again ok?” He made a move to cup her face with his hands but she flinched, he shot her a look of a surprise.

“Min…. What’s going on? I just thought if you knew how sorry I was I would… we would?” he scrabbled around for the right words.

“Thought we would? Go back to being us? The problem is Beej, yeah I am embarrassed about what I said and I honestly wasn’t setting out to make you feel bad but talking through it all just stirred a lot of shit up for me. Stuff I thought that was in the past. I couldn’t talk to you because for the first time since I’ve known you I don’t have one clue how to be around you” She looked at him in the eye and could see panic beginning to form in his eyes, those fucking eyes that had ruined her for years.

“But Min, it is US we can talk through this? If you think things are different they aren’t, look we can-“

“I just don’t know what I think at the moment Beej” she cut him off, “Yeah you didn’t know I was miserable then, but what was the point of telling you? We had to work together, we had to be friends there just didn’t seem to be any point of dragging you into my personal hell. But now… it has made me realise that the niggling feeling in the back of my head was right that I never really got over you, still not really over you” She paused waiting for either of them to speak…

“But Min, you could of---, why didn’t you…” He fumbled around desperately, tentatively reaching out to touch her again but looking at her face thinking better of it.

“I just worry that this feeling isn’t going to go away, and until it does I justdon't know how you can be in my life”. There she had said it, the thing that had be rolling around her head for the past two weeks, hitting her in bursts as she desperately tried to keep herself preoccupied. The realisation that if she was never going to get over losing him then she may have to let go of him, a thought that crippled her more than any pain she had gone through in her life.

“Don’t say shit like that Min, you have no idea what that does to me. That isn’t right, it isn’t fair… do you have any idea how much I fucking love you, how integral you are to my happiness or my life? You can’t just take that away from me because you haven’t been straight with me for years” His voice begins to rise, forgoing his promise not to turn this into something aggressive.

“Yeah, yeah Beej I know you love me. But are you in love with me? No. Would you make a commitment to me? No. And I know that is a large part my fault, continuing to be a best friend to you, sleeping with you and acting like it was all part of our undefined relationship. But I just don’t think I can do this anymore, it is tearing me up in a way I haven’t felt for a long time” Her voice starts to crack and she tries desperately to keep it together.

“Min please don’t….you don’t even…” his voice is quiet, like a silent plea.

“I think you should go” she says firmly, knowing that she won’t be able to sleep tonight but at least be allowed to cry by herself.

“Don’t….Min, I meant what I said... I can't function when you aren't around” He grabs for her and this time she gives in allowing him to hold her. He wraps his arms around her and pulls them both into a lying position on the sofa as he spoons her from behind. A position they’ve slept together in so many times but this time it feels so different.

“Can we just lie here for a while” he says softly stroking her hair, burrowing himself into her neck. She doesn’t say anything but silently relaxes her body into him, feeling the warmth of him spread all over. She knows she shouldn’t but being held by him has always been when she has felt the most safe.

“For the record regardless of whatever emotional state you are in, you were always the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.” he holds her tightly as she can feel the tears silent fall from her face. They fall asleep on the sofa cocooned in each other’s body heat, both unwilling to deal with the pivotal change that was happening.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for everyone's feedback so far in particular laura waterhouse :). here is a chapter from BJ's POV i have an idea of where this is going to but still don't know what ending. let me know your thoughts!

BJ: The main reason I’m reluctant to get married to Mindy is that every single person in our lives and Twitter feeds would say, ‘I knew it.’ I just couldn’t fucking deal with that. But we know. We know what’s there.

........................................

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are about the begin our final descent into Los Angles, currently the weather is 25C please keep your seat belts fastened until we land" 

BJ let out a soft sigh as he flicked aimlessly through the in-flight magazine, he was finally coming back home after an exhausting three weeks around the country promoting his new children’s book. He was extremely proud of the book, and it was proving to be a big hit which his publicist informed him gave him more than enough time to decide what he wanted to write about the next. He should be happy about this, but the more time he had to ponder his next step the more he was consumed by the situation with Mindy.

After that terrible night, where he turned up at her house hoping to smooth things over for her to only tell him she couldn’t handle him being in her life at the moment. They had ended up falling asleep in each other’s arms and when he had woken the next morning she had already left for the studio, when he had tried to call her he had just gotten a text back simply saying: “Ben I love you, but please leave me be.” In all the years he had known her she had never asked him for space, always preferring to be right by his side no matter how many arguments they’d had on an hourly basis. But he had listened to her deciding that she probably needed a few days to clear her head and they would go back to normal.

That was almost a week ago and he was losing the fucking plot. When she had initial stopped talking to him after the interview he felt broken, a desperate desire to reach out and comfort her. Her refusal to answer his texts and calls had eventually pushed him into coming back early, knowing that until things went back to how they were he simple was not able to function. But the look on her face when she did seem, it was familiar but so different at the same time. Almost like his presence was physically hurting her. He just couldn’t process how this shift had happened so quickly? 

She seemed to think that it was a simple as she was not over him, and he didn’t want to make a commitment to her. Which was frankly a laughable fucking thought. The fact of the matter was she was the centre point of which his world revolved around, and without he couldn’t operate. When he had broken up with her all those years ago he hadn’t done in because he had fallen out of love with her, but he was smart enough at the time to realise they were too fucking young and thirsty for ambition to have a functioning relationship, especially when it revolved around ripping marks out of each other. They had so much stuff they need to achieve, and he knew even then that Mindy (who was always far more talent than him) should not be held back by anyone. So he had let her go, forced himself to do it as much he didn’t want to because he knew this way he may be able to keep her forever. 

The thing was after the breakup he could tell she was forcing certain emotions around him, but then she got a new boyfriend and their friendship grew into an all-encompassing bond that never of them could of predicted. They both dated other people, her more seriously but that was mainly because he gave so much of himself to her there simply wasn’t room for anyone else. They still slept with each other occasionally, blaming it on alcohol or various bouts of loneliness. He couldn’t deny the smugness he felt when she had publicly informed everyone how great their sex life had been, they had never been short of sexual chemistry especially whenever they gave in was so fucking damn good. The problem was over the years he had almost taken for granted the depths of their bond, the need to be in constant contact, making sure he was the one making her laugh the hardest, having to be so immersed in every fucking detail of her life. But now the pain of not knowing where she was day to day, not knowing all her thoughts… just everything about her was eating away at him and he didn’t know what the next step was. He had always known that she was the end point for him, but he knew they both needed some time to grow and achieve their own goals before they could find their way back to each other properly. But now? She was shutting him out, not even given him the chance to explain and the sadness he original felt over hurting her was now slowly turning to frustration and anger.

BJ snapped out of his thoughts as he felt the plane begin to jostle beneath him as it made a bumpy land into the airport. He was supposed to be seeing some friends tonight for dinner but a large part of him felt like bailing, staying in his house and letting his feelings consume him. Actually what he wanted to do was going and see her and yell some sense into her… It was so god damn unfair that she had put these barriers up, he never felt it would ever be strange to call her or swing by her house yet now that was off limits? 

He walked through passport control and flipped his phone on checking for messages, it instantly rung through and he could see his brother Jesse calling so he hit the accept button. “Hi man how was the flight back?” his brother enquired.

“Yeah you know the usual, not enough snacks and too many people coughing, whats up?”

“Oh I was just calling to see if you were going coming to this dinner thing tonight for Sofia?”

“Ermm well I don’t know, whose going?”

“Bunch of people..come on it will be fun?”

“Maybe..”

“Ben, come on I know you don't want to talk about her but I really think you need to stop wallowing”

BJ could feel his breath quicken, not even bothering to pretend to ask who his brother meant by “she”. He hadn’t spoken to anyone about his and mindy’s time-out… or whatever the fuck it is was but it was plain to see to anyone that something was up. They hadn’t tweeted each other directly for weeks and he had avoided mentioning her name in any conversations with his brothers, which was frankly a first. But his brother was right, he needed to get some space from the turmoil in his head. 

“I’ve got to head home first to do some laundry but I will see you there ok? Gotta to go and get my luggage”.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just something that came to me.... i still don't know how I am going to end this but I have a clearer idea of where this is going.
> 
> once again massive thanks to laura waterhouse for her tips. I edited the last chapter a bit as i thought it made more sense that they bump into each other.
> 
> as always let me know thoughts!

Jason opened the door for Mindy and handed the keys to the valet driver, he tugged her arm slightly making her wobble on her heels.

“Hey” she said swatting him arm playfully. “You know I find it incredibly difficult to get out of a car in an elegant manner, I get you are hungry but please do not aid my clumsiness even more”. 

“Sorry Min, I was actually attempting a romantic gesture” He raised an eyebrow at her and grabbed her waist, gently brushing a kiss on her lips.

“Well saved you cheeseball” she said rolling her eyes, gently looping her hand into his as they walked towards the Chateau Marmot. She had known Jason for many years through mutual friends but about three weeks ago they had been out a party and after a few many cocktails they had ended up kissing furiously outside her car. Since then she had seen him a bunch of times and she was starting to get that nervous anxiety when she actually really liked someone. Also it didn’t hurt that he was so vocal about how much he liked her, constantly sending her gifts to the office much to the amusement of her staff and making her laugh all day with his texts. It was also an added bonus as it distracted her from her ever mounting workload and the other issues in her life…. Well mainly the issue with BJ.

She was still incredibly torn with her decision to have a time-out for him, on one hand she knew in her heart that if she ever wanted to move on and have someone else in her life it was important to get some distance from him and meeting Jason during this time was really wonderful. But a huge part of her really fucking hated it, she wasn’t sad-sad anymore she was angry-sad at herself, them, him the whole fucking situation. She knew he would be hurting that they hadn’t spoken, and part of her desperately wanted to reach out to him, go to his house and sit on his deck, drinking wine and laughing for hours revelling in the comfort of each other. But something kept stopping her every time she went to contact him, and she couldn’t quite work out if that was a good or bad thing. Luckily he had been on a book tour for the past few weeks so their lack of contact hadn’t been picked up on yet, she hadn’t spoken to anyone about it and was thankful that people like Jeremy were choosing to keep right out of it.. although he was going to be back in LA tomorrow and she was dreading knowing he was so close yet unreachable.

She shook herself out of thoughts and looked up at Jason, who had wrapped an arm around her as they walked up the steps to the hotel. 

“Did I mention Min how beautiful you look tonight? Seriously I am struggling to focus on anything else at the moment” He held the door open for her and softly placed his hand on the small of her back guiding her into the restaurant area of the hotel. She blushed and turned around to give him a quick peck on the lips. “You are so sweet, and I mean that in a macho way” he chuckled and gently stroke her cheek with his hand.

The waiter showed them to their table and they spent an enjoyable ten minutes playing footsie under the table whilst arguing over what starters they could potentially share. Once they had placed their order (Mindy won with the Calamari & Puttanesca) they sat and chatted about their respective days. Jason was a script writer and was currently battling with a biopic he had been writing on Mark Twain, something which Mindy couldn’t give enough opinions due to her life-long obsession with him. 

Once they had finished their meal they decided to go to the bar area for a drink not wanting to cut the night short. On top of the wine they had at the meal and the few drinks in the bar area they were both feeling very tipsy, and with that Jason was becoming more and more affection. Starting with just placing his hand on her knee, gently stroking her with his thumb whilst they chatted then he half pulled on his lap and had his arm around her and peppering her face with kisses every now and then. Mindy was feeling extremely light-headed and she knew it wasn’t just down to alcohol, it had been a while since anyone had been this openly affectionate with her and she was really beginning to enjoy it. 

“So anyway, I’m really trying hard to get Danny McBride on this season. I just got to work out what sort of character he can play I was thinking that may-“ she was cut off by Jason pulling her into a searing kiss which left her speechless for a few seconds.

“Hey I was telling a story!” trying to sound angry but it came out like a whimper.

“Sorry Min I just can’t handle how cute your face is when you get animated. Do you want another drink?” he gestured to the bar.

“Yes please, but maybe one with less cherries in? They are starting to make me feel unwell” she touched his face with her hand and gave me a quick peck on the lips, giggling openly at him. As he walked off to the bar she looked round the room absentmindedly, then she could feel a prickly feeling on the back of her neck. Turning round she was greeted with the sight of BJ glaring at her, sat at a table with his brother and some friends.

Fuck fuck fuck, how is he even here??! She swung her head around to see Jason at the bar wondering if he had clocked BJ, luckily he was immersed in a conversation with a guy obviously some sort of old work colleague. She flicked her head back nervously to BJ and could see him finishing off his drink, then standing up, striding over to her purposefully with a fixated glare on his face.

“Hi Beej, how was your tour?” she tried to not look at him directly in the eyes, fearing she would crumble if she stared for too long. 

“Don’t pull that shit with me Min” he spat back at her. 

“Look I can’t do this at the moment, I wasn’t expecting you to be here.. so look let’s jus” 

“Let’s just what Min?” He cut her off, spitting his words at her, “Wait for you to go back to ignoring me for weeks on end? If you don’t want your boyfriend to see us chatting then I suggest we go somewhere private” He seethed the words out at her, shooting a look at Jason with a pained expression on his face.

Mindy thought quickly about telling him to go away, but she recognised this stance and knew it would escalated in a public screaming match. She grabbed his arm and steered him to a small outside patio area, where luckily no one seemed to be present. Once she let go of his arms she risked a proper look at him, he was breathing heavily and was looking at her through closed eyes.

“You have two minutes then I am going back inside, so what?” If he could get angry at her well so could she, he didn’t have the right to march over and interrupt her date acting like she was the one hurting him.

“Are you serious? You are giving me two minutes because what you can’t bear to be away from this guy who is openly pawing all over at you in public? Trying to tell everyone in the room that he is going to be fucking you tonight”. His voice cracked as if he was chewing something disgusting. 

“Don’t you dare speak to me like that Ben, and so what if he was? Maybe I like being viewed like that? A girl that somebody openly wants to fuck, not hiding me in the shadows like previous people” She spat at him, taking pleasure in the fact he flinched at her words. “What’s it to you anyway?”

He closed his eyes for several seconds, and when they opened they were dark with some unreadable emotion. He grabbed her arm and pulled her roughly towards him crashing his lips onto her in a frantic way as though he was seeking something. She allowed him to kiss her for a few moments, forgetting where they were just relishing in the desire that always coursed through her whenever he touched her like this. Then her brain kicked into gear and she shoved him away, wiping her face furiously.

“What the FUCK are you doing Ben?” she looked at his face and could see his ears begin to tinge red.

“I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking… I just felt sick when I was watching him kiss you and I am so mad that you have shut me out and…”he raised his hands up to her, almost pleading.

“That isn’t fair on me Ben, you only reacted like this because I was a date with someone. Just because I am not following you around like I usually do, you can’t react in that way” her voice got really quiet now, she could feel the anger deflating out of her and the sadness of the situation begin to engulf her. “Look I need to get back to him, I know we need to talk but please just respect the fact I can’t at the moment. It just fucking hurts to be around you” she focused her eyes on the ground trying to stop the tears that were already forming. 

He slowly lifted her face with his hand, looking into her eyes for a long time, almost as if he was memorising her face. She choked back a sob and his eyes grew glassy. 

“Ok I am going to go, I don’t want to give you more reasons to hate me” he sighed and started to head towards the door. “But please talk to me soon, I miss you so much Min” he looked back at her one last time before striding back to his table. 

“I don’t hate you Ben, if anything I just love you too much…” she said into the darkness after he had left, feeling the tears begin to fall.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so I basically decided to cut out the entire jeremy/BJ chapter for several reasons. it just was not sitting right with me, I wanted to be more faithful to real life time structure.. so in light of BJ's andy cohen interview please find an update.
> 
> still very unsure where to head it but I am hoping it will become clearer over time.
> 
> thanks to laura waterhouse for my ever rambling emails, your help is invaulable. let me know thoughts...

BJ Novak: "I thought it was...it sounded to me an honest and heartfelt account of a complicated and mostly wonderful relationship,"

...............................................................................................................

Mindy clicked off her TV with a heavy sigh and slowly made her way upstairs to her bedroom, reflecting on BJ’s appearance on Bravo she had just watched. She knew he was going to be grilled around what she had said on Howard, and even though he had referred to her as “his best friend” the way he had called her “honest and heartfelt” only added to the incredibly vulnerability she had been feeling about him for the past few weeks. He knew he was being tactful and charming… and that was good in a way but it just was another reminder of the backlash she was still suffering daily from the interview. They still hadn’t seen each other since the episode at the Marmont but what with his new book coming out and her show now on air, they had been tweeting each other their support almost indirectly pretending they were back to being best buds again. No matter how shit she was feeling about this situation, she was still incredibly proud of what he was achieving and knew that she wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if she didn’t support him during this time, even if it was only for the public eye.

She did not doubt that BJ missed her, missed her company....his playful tweets and comments in interviews more than suggested how much he still slotted her into every inch of his life, almost like she was a reflex to him. But she still could not commit herself to sliding back completely into their old patterns, the fact was she felt like he had broken her heart all over again and the worse part of it was he just didn’t seem to fully grasp the way it was hitting her. He just thought she had flipped herself out in true dramatic Mindy fashion, and he was just going to have to wait to get his best friend back. And as she had stated to him a few weeks back she didn't know how to do that anymore. 

As for kissing her when he saw her with Jason well… she had just logged that down to ego and too much whiskey. Things were still going well with Jason, she had spent the past couple nights with him but he was going away for a couple of weeks for a new project and she was secretly glad for the space. Things had evolved so quickly with them she needed to get her head around where she wanted it to go… she knew for certain that she liked him a lot but a small part of her was wondering if she just needed the affection after feeling so incredibly low about BJ. Also she was worried he was getting suspicious over the latest situation with BJ, he tactfully hadn’t mentioned it but his brow tended to furrow whenever anyone dropped his name into conversation.

She begun undressing for bed, thinking back to the interview again.. the comment about his mum calling him up on her interview made her smile, she had always gotten on well with his mother, in fact they often joked that she was more interested in Mindy’s career than BJ’s… and after her own mother had passed away she was one of the few mother’s she could bear to spend time with. His mum had always been such a big fan of whatever they were… she felt bittersweet about the fact she had tried to question BJ on their past relationship, on one hand it was funny to imagine how awkward he must have felt but also she could imagine him explaining to his mum that it was all ancient history.

She felt her phone vibrate snapping her out of her thoughts and saw a text from BJ pop up, the first for a while…

_“hey min thanks for all of your support today. I hope you are ok with what I said on Cohen, I just don’t want to aggravate the situation anymore in the press. I’m back in LA this weekend if you want to meet?” ___

__She locks the phone and crawled under the covers knowing that her mind was too full to sleep but at least she could attempt to rest her aching body for a while. After what seemed like an eternity she could feel herself begin to drift when suddenly she felt her phone buzz again, she reached over to her bedside table to look at it._ _

__

_“I feel like I can’t enjoy anything at the moment without you, you have no idea how much I miss you”_.

____Mindy tried to blink away the tears, aware she had been crying far too much lately for such a positive person. She typed him a quick message back before she lost her nerve._ _ _ _

______

_“Come over Saturday if you don’t have plans?”_.

______Her phone beeped almost instantly:_ _ _ _ _ _

__________

_“I couldn’t think of anything else I would rather do”_.

________She put the phone back on her bedside table before dragging the covers up to her chin, feeling some of the tightness around her heart begin to loosen._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	7. gone girl?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for such a long delay, I was very unsure of where to go with the next chapter and I wanted to see where they played out in real life. have been listening to the jessie ware "tough love" song and been thinking of them a lot... 
> 
> I am glad BJ said he was her "great love" because I think that imbalance was not right. I personally feel that they have both discussed this a lot, they know what they have is different to normal friendship but at the same time where can it go? Whatever happens... I think they will always truly be there for each other. What more can you ask?
> 
> Again I am not sure where this is going so any tips are welcome..
> 
> thanks so much for your support and encouragement it means a lot.

_It's already that time that you hope my mind is true. And I've been thinking of what to say or not to do. So you wanna be a man about it, do you? And have you figured out all you wanted, have you?_.

\- Jessie Ware "Tough Love"

........................................................................................................................................................................................................................

BJ unlocked his car door, quickly checking his reflection in the front view mirror as he begun to make the short drive from his house to Mindy’s. They had pushed their meeting back by a day, as Mindy as always had a last minute editing crisis for an upcoming episode on her show which she had to deal with. They had sent a few texts back and forth deciding what to do and decided on dinner and a movie, Mindy had been desperate to see Gone Girl and he always enjoyed the heated discussions that got into after any film.

He still felt on edge about seeing her, but more than anything he just wanted to spend time with her, make her laugh and know all the tiny details about her day. She still wasn’t giving much of her usual self to him in messages, but what with his book doing even better than expected and the dust settling a bit in the press after the Howard interview he could tell she was prepared to get back on track… back to them.

He drove his car into Mindy’s driveway and quickly walked the short distance to her front door mentally preparing for the extra 30 minutes it always took Mindy to get out of her house, no matter how organised she was in her working life, she had never ever been on time to meet him. He knocked lightly and was surprised when the door swung open immediately.

“Hey Ben you ready to go?” Mindy looked up him smiling with her front door keys jingling in her hand.

“Are you serious Min? You sure you don’t have five pairs of shoes you need to help me decide between”

“Ha ha very funny… luckily for you I managed to look crazy hot in under five minutes today” She let out a laugh which sounded strange to his ears, until he realised it was peppered with nervousness. She had never forced a laugh with him before, he was so use to her over-confident bellows, triumph chuckles and sweet giggling. But this? This just felt completely wrong.

He gestured to the car and she strode in front of him. She wasn’t lying when she said she looked good but then she always did, even first thing in the morning before she had a chance to put on her “skin potions” as she called them. Usually she never wore makeup around him but today her face was full made up. He was hoping this was not also attributed to the uneasiness that seemed to be surrounding her. 

“So you ok with sushi right?” he started the ignition and quickly reserved out of her driveway, shooting a glance at her to find her predictably on her phone texting/tweeting or instagramming something.

“Sounds good Ben” she gave him a quick smile and went back to whatever she was fixated on. They drove most of the way in silence only stopping now and then for one of them to change the channel on the radio if they didn’t like what song the other had chosen. It felt nice but still there was something that hung in the air.

Dinner was a short affair as they didn’t have much time before the showing, as he was getting the valet ticket the press came charging up to them shouting questions at Mindy. They didn’t usually have this level of attention when they went out, but it seemed things had changed since the interview. 

“hey mindy are you two on date?”…”mindy you look beautiful”…“hey mindy give us a smile? Are you back together now?”. BJ wanted to tell them to shut back, wrap his arm around her and hurry her to somewhere safe. But they both knew the drill from the publicists, say nothing or be polite. Luckily the valvet driver turned up within a matter of minutes and the both quickly jumped into the car.

He turned to face her and could see she was fidgeting with her cardigan refusing to meet his gaze. 

“Min? You ok?”

She took a deep sigh and continued threading her hands rapidly through the cardigan; “Yeah I just guess you never get use to the intrusion, especially when it makes me look pathetic”

He felt sick, he couldn’t bear to see her like this… she was always the over confident one…embracing and owning her celebrity status. He bit back the urge to stroke her hair as he knew the press were still crawling everywhere. Instead he gentled held his hand in hers stroking her knuckles slightly.

“Come on amazing amy, let’s go and see the film”

He could see the corners of her mouth turn up and she squeezed his hand gently. 

………..

“I am definitely going to try infiltrate that film into all of my conversation for next two weeks Ben…..Tyler Perry is straight-up smoking in this” 

BJ laughed as they exited the cinema, it felt so damn good to hear her ramble at him… through the cinema they had held hands and he could feel her body ease up as the movie continued. 

“I think for once I am in agreement with you about this, it was awesome. I especially liked Rosamund Pike channelling your mannerisms”. She wacked him in the arm giggling; “Shut up Ben…the only similarities we have is if that I was gone I would be portrayed as this devastating beauty that the public needed to find”

“Well that is true, but everyone can see how beautiful you are without a dramatic disappearance” she stared back at him for a few seconds looking confused.

“What?” He said defensively

“Don’t say things like that Ben..” She said quietly walking ahead of him to the car. 

Fuck…just as things were going well again he had to ruin it? But he didn’t quite understand why she had reacted like that? He was always complimenting her and vice versa, they had never made a secret of the fact that they still found each other attractive so why was commenting on it now off limits? He could feel himself growing frustrated and he caught up with her just as she was climbing into the passenger seat.

“Min….look”

“Ben, I’ve had a nice night so let’s drop it ok” She picked up her phone and begun typing furiously. He wondered if she was texting that guy, he wanted to ask but he knew after what happened last time he would almost certainly have to deal with another bout of silent and he didn’t want to go through that again. They drove the rest of the way to her house in silence but this time it was tense, full of unspoken things. He wanted to make amends but he was terrified of hurting her, especially when he didn’t fully understand where he had gone wrong.

“So, I’ve got to be up early for a press conference….but call me tomorrow ok? I want to know how the book sells are going”. She made a move to leave the car and he put his hand gently on her shoulder, something was telling him they were on the verge of another shutdown and there was no way he was going to fucking let that happen.

“Min, look before you run off just let me say something. I know things are not right at the moment between us, and I want to fix that…more than you know. But you have to understand seeing you again, laughing with you again that’s all there is for me. As for the comment about your looks? This isn’t new ground we are covering there, you know how beautiful I think you are and that will never change even when you are 80 years old and have lost all of your teeth. But you’ve got to help me here? I want to move forward from this.”

She stared back at him for so long he almost thought he hadn’t said the words out loud. Slowly she pressed her hand to his face, he closed his eyes as she felt her lips come down softly on his own. She kissed him slowly tracing the outline of his mouth with her, so much different to the fiery kisses they usually had when one of them broke. He held her face in his and begun to increase the pressure willing her mouth open. She broke away suddenly and looked deeply into his eyes.

“I love you Ben, but I need to you to make a decision on how you want to love me. If you want me to be your pal, I can do that but our relationship would need to change, we can’t find it normal to kiss/touch/complement each other whenever we please. I will always be there for you but it has to be in a different capacity. Or if you want to actually make a go at this you have to let me know, as the longer this goes on the more I can see an abrupt ending”

She kissed him again softly before exiting the car and going into her house. BJ traced his lips where she had touched him. What now?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> was thinking long and hard about the next chapter... thought it would be good to have it solely based on texting.
> 
> I love how playful they are on twitter and I can imagine it is even better when it is just them messaging back and forth. 
> 
> we have got a glimpse into the messages they have sent each other so I hope I got the tone right.
> 
> Aiming for another couple more chapters before winding this up. As always let me know thoughts... I cannot tell you how much it helps.

**hey min what is that horrible coffee you get at Starbucks around Halloween time?**.

Banana cream pie frap.. two sugars. Hmmmmm why?

**Knew it… Just heard someone order it in front of me and instantly felt unwell**.

Oh shut up….well done on topping the new yorker for your book beej my assistant just told me. WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME FIRST?!?

**Thanks Min  also as always reminding me how showbiz you know are**.

I was born that way babe ;)

**Do you wanna come to one of my book signings when we are both back in LA? You haven’t seen it being read yet in front of an audience, plus you are going to find it the most adorable thing seeing children fall in love with me**.

HAHA! There is me thinking you want me to be the supportive friend but it is just a ploy to make my ovaries go wild. Count me in.

** xx**.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

GUESS WHO I JUST BUMPED INTO BEEJ?

**If you say one of my brothers again….**.

Shut up. LARRY DAVID. I was so fucking chill, like sunglasses on face chill. Jealous?

**Bet you weren’t. But guaranteed he found you adorable**.

Duh of course.

**How is New York? I will try and catch your chat pending on what time I land**.

Yeah good fun, although i’m worried I am that level of tipsy where I think I am super smart about every topic of conversation that is thrown at me.

**At least you always make a fascinating watch**.

I can’t tell if you are insulting me?

**Never**.

When are you back in LA? I just found this awesome Italian place that apparently has a garlic bread pasta? LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOO

**That sounds implausible. But of course**.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Min….answer your phone….**.

**Mindy….I need your advice on what shirt to wear to this meal tomorrow.**.

**Min?**.

Ben sorry I am out at dinner at the moment. Can we talk another time?

**Well tell Jeremy that he can be left with his 30 dollar burger for 5 minutes. It is imperative I have your opinion on this**.

I’m with Jason. Gotta go.

Why are you calling me? It’s like 3am….

**I wanted to see how your dinner was**.

Stop being a dick Ben.

**Are you serious right now?**.

Yeah I am…..this isn’t fair especially after our conversation the other week. I’ve given you the space to think and drunkenly calling me because your ego is bruised is NOT the way to go about it.

**I can’t believe you think that Min**.

What am I supposed to think Ben? 

STOP calling me. I am not having a screaming fight with you this late at night.

**Why is it because you have company?**.

**Is that it?**.

Grow up. Not that it is any of your business but Jason has got an early flight so he left.

Why are you doing this?

**Doing what?**.

Hounding me? Making me think it is more than just you being needy?

**Min I need more time. But…. I want you all the time**.

Please stop Ben.

**I’m sorry**.

**I love you Min**.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Sending flowers to my office still does not excuse you for being a drunken douche. But thanks Ben.

**Your welcome Min**.

**I don’t deserve you and I am beginning to realise that in a huge way**.

I know. 

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Flowers weren’t enough then?

**Have you opened it?**.

No because I’ve just had a manicure and I am not ruining it no matter how delicious the contents will be inside.

**Why do you assume I have sent you food?**.

Oh I see…..forcing me to break a nail?

**We both know you are already ripping into it**.

**Come on Min the suspense is killing me…**.

What is this?

**Says the Dartmouth grad?**.

Shut it Harvard Boy..It is just loads of scraps of paper?

**Yeah but read them**.

Are you serious Ben? 

?

You’ve sent me all the notes we wrote to each other in the writing room? Why on earth did you keep these?

**Because whenever I was feeling uninspired or stuck creatively I reread them**.

To steal my material ;)?

**No Min. Because you inspire me and push me more than anyone. And I thought you needed some hard evidence in case you ever doubted that**.

Damn you Ben. I am going to cry through my carefully applied make-up.

**Sorry Min**.

**We really need to talk when I get back**.

I know. 

……………………………………………………………………………

**Min I know you are at home your assistant just told me. I am coming over**.

Ok. 

……………………………………………………………………………………


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so i've decided we have one more chapter to go after this. thank you so much for all your views and comments, it means a huge amount.
> 
> this is the only fanfiction i've ever written and the reason is simply my love for both bj and mindy... and i hope that does really show.
> 
> as always comments are more than welcome. i hope you like!

“Urgh I am never going to learn these lines at this rate” Mindy threw the script she was holding to the floor, glad she was alone in her trailer for once.

She was still anxiously waiting to hear if the show had been picked up for a fourth season and was trying to use all of this nervous energy that was coursing through her to smash out the remaining episodes. Everyone around her kept telling her it was definite, what with Chris getting rave reviews and her own “status was soaring” (she really needs to stop reading jezebel) but still she had been in this world for a while now and she knew nothing was ever certain.

Also as always work had become her full-time boyfriend, which frankly was exactly what she needed because it stopped her focusing on the absolute mess which was her love life. Or the absolute mess which was her and BJ. 

She hadn’t quite dealt with the fact that they had slept together again a week ago. When she was supposed to be in a semi-relationship with Jason. Or the fact she fled from him again after it had happened and was once again refusing to take any of his calls. For two people who had never gone a day without having some sort of contact for the past 11 years the last couple of months had been blighted with pauses/absences/silences. 

Her subconscious kicked in and wandered back to last Sunday.

_She could hear the key clicking into the lock and knew any moment BJ was going to appear in her living room like routine. However there was no normality to this situation, after the incident at the cinema Mindy hadn’t known what to expect from him… they had kicked off their usual contact but then his drunken ego had flared up and then… the presents._.

_She still couldn’t quite believe he had kept all those notes over the years. She always thought of herself as a hoarder for stuff like that, she still had the flowers he had first bought her dried up in a box lodged firmly in the back of her wardrobe. But for him to keep all of those? She had always rationalised his love for her over the years as strong and dependable, constantly there for her but never all-consuming or out of control. However the notes? It seemed so down right… well romantic? And it gave her hope… hope she hadn’t felt for a long time._.

_“Min?” his soft voice snapped her out of her thoughts._.

_“In here Ben”_.

_His face appeared at the door and broke into her a soft smile when she saw his face. He treaded slowly to the sofa and paused to look over her before settling down next to her._.

_“How was your flight?”_.

_“Yeah good….managed to catch-up on all the shitty blockbusters I have missed whilst touring” he was looking down at his hands, fidgeting with an errant thread on the sofa. The tension was stifling her but she waited it out, they both knew he needed to move a move on this._.

_“Min…I…” he took a deep breath and then slowly turned to face her. She looked into his eyes and could see them soften as they traced her face. Suddenly her phone started buzzing and Jason’s name appeared on the screen, she went to click it off but BJ reached it out of her grasp._.

_“Not going to answer it Min?” His voice was suddenly hard and his eyes had turned darker._.

_“No… look…”_.

_“No I insist… please don’t keep him waiting” She knew if she didn’t pick it up he could ring again… and she didn’t want to prolong this any longer. She hit the receive button and quickly arranged her features._.

_“Hi…how is it going” BJ abruptly got up and walked to the kitchen, she could hear him slamming things and tried to keep her focus on the conversation. Jason updated her on his trip in San Francisco where he was currently doing some research for his next script. Just as he started asking her about her day she heard another slam from the kitchen winching slightly she made up an excuse of another call coming through and quickly hung up the phone._.

_“She sat down on the sofa waiting for him to come back in, refusing to go and comfort the strop he had clearly worked his way into. After a few minutes he stormed back into the living room with a tumbler of whiskey in his hand. He took a big gulp whilst fixating her with an intense gaze his eyes now almost black._.

_She stood up quickly matching his stare; “You know what Ben.. before we get into this? Let’s not get into this. I am getting pretty fed up of you lashing out every time his name is mentioned, especially since…” she let the words hang in the air, not wanting to give him the reassurance of satisfaction that she was still waiting on his answer._.

_He walked slowly towards and she could feel her whole body tingling. He slid the tumbler onto the coffee table his eyes never moving from her face, he was millimetres away from her now, their foreheads almost touching._.

_“You make me so crazy Min” he breathed and she felt his breath gently tickling her face. Suddenly he grabbed and begun kissing her ferociously swallowing the deep gasp that had emitted from her._.

_She knew she should push him off, knew that this passion was coming from the wrong source. But she was tired of the defences she had put up and dammit she just wanted him. She responded with equal fervour, grasps tuffs of his hair and pulling his body closer until they were perfectly aligned._.

_He pushed her down onto the sofa, his lips never moving from her mouth. He grinded down onto her and she couldn’t work out which moan belonged to which voice. She was past the point of no return and all she could think about was how alive she felt._.

A knock on the trailer snapped her out of her thoughts. Her assistant yelled at her that she needed to be on set in five to start a re-shoot, she quickly picked up her script and went to check her make-up. 

After they had (well essentially fucked each other’s brains out) finished on the sofa, he had led her upstairs to her room where they had both fallen asleep exhausted in her bed, his arms tight around her all night refusing to let go. She woke up early, way too early and had looked at his sleeping form. She had watched him sleep for a while, enjoying how peaceful he seemed to look but then panic had begun to creep in. She thought the notes had meant a step forward but actually they had just slotted back into the place where she most needed to escape, the hope she felt that they were finally going to move forward was completely dashed. Instead he had acted off a jealous impulse, wanting to keep her in the set place he had for 11 years. She wanted to be mad at him but she knew she was equally to blame, completely welcoming his advances and disregarding Jason in the process. This wasn’t a commitment to someone…this was them as the worst versions of themselves, revelling in their complicated friendship and desire for each other…and they both didn’t deserve that. 

She had quickly left her house, knowing she couldn’t bear to be around for when he woke up and had to deal with the awkward repercussions. If she had to see a flicker of regret in his eyes she would be destroyed beyond repair. He had rung her insentiently for the first few days but then the calls had stopped but this time she didn’t expect a bang on the door or his apologies, and that is when she knew that he had accepted as well that the pattern of them was now broken. 

She stepped out of her trailer and hurried quickly to set ignoring the pooling of moisture in her eyes. 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………..

“Have a safe flight back BJ and make sure you are around for the next red sox game ok?”

“Will do Avu and thanks again for the delicious lunch, I can’t remember the last time I had thirds of something”. Avu Kaling chuckled as he opened the front door of his house to let BJ through.

“Flattery will get you nowhere BJ, you’ve already got my approval….I appreciate you following tradition on this, I know if Mindy’s mum was here she would…well she would be just as happy as I am”

“Thank Avu… and for the ring? I was more than happy to shell out on my own.”

“I know but it was Mindy’s mother’s and it really should be the only engagement ring she wears. Just make sure you go and get our girl.”

Ben smiled and gave Avu a quick hug before walking quick down the drive to his car.

_Oh damn right I will._.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so I know I was going to wrap it up on the next one but I really wanted to spend some time talking through their thoughts and next steps.... it could be one more and an epilogue... I am not sure. I hope you guys all like it I've tried to get it as consistent as possible.

Mindy sighed as she looked at potential earrings on her dresser, Jason was taking her out for dinner at this beautiful Italian place they had walked past last week and she was about 20 minutes behind on being ready. She was slowly coming to more of an acceptance about the situation with BJ over the last few days, and losing herself in a lovely date with Jason was exactly what she needed. 

Mindy had always been one for certainty. She knew from the age of 8 that she wanted to write comedy, she knew in order to get there she had to study hard. When she was at Dartmouth she made sure she did enough to get herself noticed, and when her career was up and running she knew what had to be done in order to get her own show.

People called her fearless, but for her it had always been about the absolute conviction that she needed to keep progressing in herself. Someone once said to her that in order to evolve you must never fully think you have grown as a person, keep striving and you will strive. She had always thought this would extend to matters of the heart, she had grown up with parents who were so effortlessly matched that she assumed a similar mind-set to them would equate her own kind of forever. 

She had been in love and been loved and that had always felt the same…. Nice and safe…like dropping your keys off at home….that sedated feeling. She had even begun to feel that with Jason, her mind and her work life had always been frantic and uncontrolled so she had often found herself craving and rely on that comforting love. especially after her mother had died, she yearned for it even more.

But with BJ it had always been different. From the first time she had met him she had the unmistakable feeling that every person she met after him was going to be a massive let-down, because the love she had for him always burnt too bright. They were cataclysmic and destructive together which ultimately led him to break things off, and had left her broken hearted. But she buried those feelings though, and sort what she thought was the best possible option for them to have their own together even though it never seemed like a platonic friendship, it was enough for her to function. 

She heard the doorbell ring and quickly looked for her shoes whilst throwing things into her clutch bag. 

Enough was enough. She had spent the past few months wallowing and she needed to look forward, and whilst she may not be 100% certain on Jason it felt good to have something new and unblemished…..and over time she knew that could develop into something long-lasting. 

She swung open the door to Jason and greeted him with a huge smile.

_“hi min, you look beautiful…..ready to go?”_.

Oh yes she thought, yes she was ready. 

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Everything was all set in his head, now it was just a question of where. BJ knew she liked grand gestures, he thought about whisking her away somewhere exotic or getting her to meet her at a romantic landmark in homage to all of her rom-coms. But then he thought the best way to navigate the next step in their complicated relationship was to keep it simple, she had always said his deck in his house was her favourite place to be and that seemed like the perfect place to ask…

The main issue was Mindy was currently not speaking to him after the incident at her house a couple of weeks ago…. He had gone over there intending to say to her how sorry he had been and how much he wanted to make this work now. for good. But then Jason had called and his jealously reared up, and he was so worried that she was slipping through his fingers that he just want to bury himself into her to make sure that wasn't the case. 

After they had slept together he had held her all night, they had slept like this many times over he years….when her mother had passed away he had put her to bed every night for the first couple of months using himself as a human blanket soothing away the pain for her. That night though he had marveled at the new sensation of having her in his arms, that they were finally being drawn together. When he woke to find her gone he felt sick, knowing she had fled again, assuming it had been an act of passion not an act of love. The thought of not being to bury himself into her warm skin or having to go through the pain of not knowing where she was again had led him to take a flight back to Boston and end up outside of Mindy’s family home.

He had always gotten on extremely well with her parents, her mother had always thrown him knowing looks throughout the years and Mindy’s Dad was a huge baseball fan like him. When her Dad had opened the door he seemed surprised but pleased to see him. When he had asked for his approval to marry her and given him her mother’s ring it had meant everything, after all these years the fact that he was so sure on BJ being part of his family it just made him realise how Mindy had always been so open and trusting of him, and he cursed himself inwardly that he had always taken this for granted.

After Mindy’s dad had handed over the ring he said something to BJ which he kept thinking back to.

_“I still miss Mindy’s mother every day Ben, but I am unbelievably grateful that I got to be married to my best friend for as long as I did. Mindy grew up knowing she was lucky to be witness to such a partnership, and I think it has always made her long for that certain type of love, where you are actually truly friends with someone as well as loving them. When she first introduced you to us I could see it in her eyes that she had met the one for her but she was scared of showing it…..but you made her so happy, more than I’ve seen her with anyone. Don’t forget that and make sure she knows that”._.

_“Your daughter is everything to me, i just need her to realise that now”_.

_“She is a stubborn one, but she will. We are both incredibly similar that way. Hopeless romantics”_.

Ben checked his watch and saw it was late evening, he shot Mindy a quick text and begun to prepare the deck hoping his plan would go ahead smoothly. What he did know was he was going to absolutely everything in his power to make her realise how he wanted to start spending the rest of his life with her.

p> **“Min I know you are mad, but you don’t realise how set I am on making this right. Please come to your favourite place tonight, I will wait all night for you”.**.


	11. what will survive of us is love.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so i've been writing bits of this on and off since i started this whole thing. i really hope you like it... i am going to write a short epilogue but very unclear of how that is going to look in my head but i hope this is resolve enough for you.
> 
> thank you so much for all of your support and comments during the process, getting all the love has meant such a huge amount to me. I have found it such a pleasure to write and I do hope whatever happens between the two of them they are always in each others life.

“You ok with the red wine Min?”

“Yeah it is perfect” Mindy gave Jason a half-hearted smile, as she tried hard to focus on the delicious bowl of Italian pasta in front of her. her phone kept buzzing and she knew without looking it was from BJ, he seemed insistent on having her come and meet him tonight. But she was beyond tired of it all, she had given him numerous times over the past weeks, months, years to explain himself and all he seemed to want was a friend he could sleep with from time to time. It wasn’t as callous as that but she was fed up of feeling like his back-up.

“You seem a bit distracted? You sure you ok” he stared at her face for a few seconds, giving her the window of opportunity.

“Oh just some post-edit stress….now we have these extra episodes the producers are breathing down my neck about direction etc.”

“You will be ok Min, you always handle it” Mindy loved his already established faith in her, but her mind kept flitting back to the unread messages on her phone. She hated the fact he always had her attention, but he could because he was who he was. Pushing it down she looked up to face Jason who was watching her with a gentle smile playing on her lips, he cleared his throat loudly as he appeared ready to launch into a speech.

“Min, I don’t know if you realise it but I am crazy about you. I know it’s only been a short amount of time…..but I feel so comfortable with you. In fact finding myself married to you could be one of the best things to happen to me.” Mindy felt overwhelmed, she was hearing his words and taking them in but her reaction just wouldn't come.

“Jason that’s …. “ she was at lost for words, she wanted to communicate something back but the words simply wouldn’t come. 

“I want to move forward to the next step but I need to know if you want that to?” 

She looked up at him, saw his hopefully expression and simply stared. She thought back to something her mother had said to her all those years ago you have to think of I before you say I love you…. and right now she couldn’t think of anything about how desperately sad she suddenly felt. What was wrong with her? 

“It’s him isn’t it?”

She swallowed the lump forming in her throat, she had to say something to him otherwise this conversation was going to spiral. 

“Look Jason..” he held up his hand to silence her, and then studied her face carefully for a moment.

“You know I always knew, but I thought things may be different the further down the line we got with this. I saw him watching you that night at the Marmont, and I’ve never seen anyone look at someone with such emotion. If it is him Min then you need to tell him, don’t be scared because I guarantee it is not worth the running you seem to be doing from him”

She felt tears begin to slide down her face, she wanted to shake her head and reject what he was saying but she owed him more than this.  
“I want to move on, and you are exactly the type of man I should be with but….I am still clinging to something” she wiped her eyes quickly with her hands, trying desperately to keep it together. She looked up at him and could see nothing but kindness and understanding etched across his face. 

They remained staring at each for a minute or so, both not knowing what to say.

“You know what I think” Jason said with a slight smile. “You are one of the most fearless woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing and if you don’t go and tell him what you want well then you aren’t being true to yourself.”

“But I have told him….and I’ve waited and he hasn’t said anything” she said almost softly like she was talking to herself.

“Well from the constant flashing of your phone all evening it sounds like he is trying to talk to you, why don’t you listen to him?” Jason leaned across the table to take hold of her hand, he brushed her knuckles gentle before bringing them close to his mouth to place a soft kiss there.

“I’m going to go, you are going to be ok Min….no matter what”. He got up from the table and gave her one last long look before departing the restaurant. Mindy wanted to ask him to stay but she knew that she would be pushing it, he was a wonderful man and he deserved better than her half-hearted dramatics to keep him. 

She took a quick gulp of wine and tried to process all of the thoughts that were flashing across her brain, Jason made it sound so simple…but what was she supposed to do now? Go and run to BJ and fall into his arms, no that was not going to be the case….she wasn’t running but she was definitely still too angry to address him. Suddenly her phone rang and she went to cancel it but could see her Dad calling, confused because of the late hour he was calling she quickly answered;

_“Dad is everything ok, I swear your designated bed time was hours ago”_.

_“I’m fine Mindy, I just wanted to make sure you weren’t being stubborn?”_.

_“What?”_.

_“Look you know I always take a backseat when it comes to your life, I support you because you know how to run your life…. You have done since you were 10. But I strongly suggest you go and see Ben tonight?”_.

Mindy felt her neck begin to tingle.

_“What how on earth do you?”_.

_“It doesn’t matter how I know, and if your mother was here she would say something that would summarise this perfectly….but I do know you and I know what love looks like and he loves you so come on hunty bunty” his use of her childhood nickname made the tears begin to well._.

_“But Dad he doesn’t love me the way I love him”_.

_“How do you know that? Call me later ok?”_.

Mindy stared down at the phone in shock, what the hell was happening? Had Ben been speaking to her Dad? They had always gotten on…but this? The rational side of her brain told her that Ben was coming from a good place, probably appealing to her Dad to help out their mess but the irrational side kicked in and she was suddenly furious he had invaded her personal space like that. She could feel energy jolting through her, she picked up her wallet and threw some money on the table before heading out to the restaurant to hail a cab without realising it she was already half way to BJ’s house. 

What was he thinking speaking to her father? Convincing him that he was in love with her, but it was really just a ploy to weaken her into forgiving him…this was not right. Once she was outside his house she quickly paid the drive and marched up to the front door banging loudly for him to answer.

“Dammit Ben open up I know you are in here” She pounded her fists on the door, not caring if she was waking up his whole neighbourhood.

The door swung open, and BJ’s face appeared, first of all brightening when he saw her face but quickly turning to concern when he took in her angry expression. 

“Mindy what’s wrong? Did you not get my messages?” 

“You as always Benjamin are my fucking problem” She stalked into his house, marching her way to the kitchen to pour herself a drink when she heard him behind her. 

“I got your text messages, you got my Dad to do your batting so what? What do you want BJ?” She raised her voice, feeling the anger coursing through her.

“Min I….can we sit down?”

“No we can’t, how could you go to my Dad?”

“Because I needed his approval before I got yours, I needed to know he approved” 

“Approved of what? Him still liking you going to the red sox game?”

“No Min” Ben laughed softly to himself…”Can you follow me outside for a second”

Against her better will she followed him out of the kitchen onto his outside deck, he was shielding her from the door but once they were firmly outside he moved beside her so she could see. She gasped silently to herself, there were candles lined up on the entire circumference of the deck and in the middle was a TV playing a recording of them dancing at Jim & Pam’s wedding, she remembered that day well they had been ordered to dance in the background during one scene and he had held her close the entire time his eyes never leaving hers. It was shortly after they had broken up but it was in that moment that she knew she had to keep him in her life. 

She looked back at his face and could see them full of questions and something else she couldn’t quite work out. She could feel the anger deflating out of her and the urge to sob take over. 

“Jason said he wanted to marry me, but I couldn’t stop seeing your face… and I just got so mad at myself and at you that I can’t seem to let you go.” She could feel the tears falling but didn’t do anything to stop them. He immediately stepped towards her grasping her face gently in his hands. 

“So marry me then?” BJ stares intently at her, wiping away the moisture from her face with his hands.

“What..?” 

“Min I love you, always have and always will. The reason why I broke up with you all those years ago was because I know we both needed time to grow up and work out what we wanted individually. We are both the type of people who need to figure there goals out separately, but that didn’t mean I stopped loving you. How could I? I thought it has been clear throughout the years that you were always the only person I wanted. When you pushed me away after that stupid fucking interview, I felt empty…like I was missing part of me and then you wouldn’t let me explain.. and then Jason. As much as I hated seeing you with someone else, I thought if he made you happy make you deserved it. Then when I tried to explain how I felt you ran away, which I knew I deserved as I haven’t been honest with you for years. But what I do know for damn certain is that I want to make you mine forever” He took a slight breath and reached into his pocket, pulling out a ring which looked so familiar to her….

“Is this?”

“Your Dad insisted I had…”

Mindy’s mind went blank, she could see her parents dancing around the kitchen when she was getting in from school laughing at each other’s attempt to lead, she could see her and Ben all those years ago squabbling over a lunch order and then moments later him pulling her in for a hug whispering how beautiful she was.

“Min?” She looked up and his expectant face, full of love…which she could see without doubt or reason.

“I love you Ben, not just for being my best friend for all of these years but for constantly pushing me and making me realise the best person of myself”

“Min you have no idea how much I lo—“

“Shut up and put the ring on” He chuckled and slid the ring on her phone before drawing her close to him, breathing in the smell of her neck.

“You’ve got it pretty bad for me Beej” Mindy said with a gentle smirk, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

“Babe you have no idea”. He pulled her in for a kiss, relishing in the touch of her pressed against his body.

**Author's Note:**

> That is all I have so far.... I am going to make this a mulit-chapter but let me know your thoughts!


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